So looking back, I found that this time of the year is the hardest for my family to cope with. I mean it seems that every year, this is time when we argue/fight/bicker/fight/yell/fight. (oh, and did i mention fight?)…

oh snap. yeah. that’s hot.

I can’t believe it’s been about 2 years since I’ve seen you.
I mean it’s been a while, but I still remember how we had jokes and everything.
We weren’t the tightest of friends, but I never took knowing for granted.
And when Mike left us, you were there to ease the pain.
Now you’re there with him, but you had to leave us…
We will miss you. There’s no explaining this hole that you will leave in people’s hearts.

It’s sad to see such a young person, who had such potential to leave this world.
It just shows how short life is, and how life shouldn’t be taken for granted.
But even when I say this, the world doesn’t stop, time doesn’t freeze…
We still go with our lives, doing the same old thing
I mean… I can’t even mourn for my friend justly because of hectic-ness of my exams.
I truly do miss her.
Remembering her puts a smile on my face.
She was spunky, loud, independent, proud, kind, and so much more.
I would remember when she would get mad, she would be all ghetto.
It made me laugh, but also a little fearful, but I knew inside she was a sweetheart.
Little girl, with a big heart, changing lives, with her loud voice.
That’s the Xuan Lia I will forever know…
I miss you.

So this is my resolution, my countless hours of contemplation…
Finding out that all of this is nonsense…
This feeling that I hold so dear to myself.
These lies that I believe in, just seems to hurt me more.
You see, I don’t want to like you. I don’t want to know you.
But your ways of manipulating my emotions strangles me more.
Like lust has her hands rubbing the back of my hair…
While she sucks my spirit out of my soul through my lips
You see, this vivid imagination holds so true in some sense.
Cause my minds keeps saying you’re good, but… he knows better.
So this is my resolution, my countless hours of contemplation…
Where I stand next to my phone waiting for the slightest ding for your answer.
Is no more.
Were friends. Distant friends, where I hold no judgment against.
Now I know I’m not Ne-Yo, but I’m just so sick of all this.
So this is my resolution, my countless hours of contemplation…
All these thoughts of us being WE, are no more.
Cause I can see that my eyes were blind by the sight of fake images.
Portraying itself to be true, masked in disguise like a Blood in blue.
And don’t get me wrong, I am going to miss our times…
But you see, all this just seems to be a waste of time.
So this is my resolution, my countless hours of contemplation…

Yo check this, last night I had a dream.
A dream where I was sitting on the beach, just thinking.
Thinking how great it is to just to be able to think.
And how great it is to able to put these thoughts in ink.
As each imagine in my mind is magically written out in words
These electrical surges going from my mind to my hand
As the imagines become figures, only in forms of letters
And each combination of letters become a word
And each word holds an emotion, connecting my feeling with inanimate things
And suddenly a voice starts talking, telling me
These words are bullets, and my mouth is the gun
Where the bullets not only puncture the body, but also the soul
And not as the worldly bullets can only be used once.
These bullets can be used as many times as you want.
And the voice keeps talking, saying these bullets are for His use
You see, the world’s gun is misused, only shot to kill
But His bullets puncture your heart to keep you alive and that’s for real
So each word that I write, it’s ammunition for His kingdom
See as you’re listening now, you’re being shot, but not shot to death
You’re being shot with breath,
And with each breath comes life
And the funny thing about this life, is that even after you die, you live
Then out of nowhere the voice revealed itself
But in the form of the cross
And all I could do was kneel and say that I’m lost
See I wasn’t at the beach, I was lost with no hope
And at the foot of the cross, there was a note
Saying, “Follow me…” and a path appeared
And then it said, “Use my bullets to take down all your fear…”
So I spread these bullets, not for me, but for Him
So you can spread them too. Yeah…